Humbug
by Dizzo
Summary: A little collection of drabbles written for the Spn BigPretzel Holiday Drabble Challenge over on Livejournal. These drabbles all reflect those times when Christmas doesn't go quite according to plan ... Rated T for language in chapter 3
1. The Call of the Wild

THE CALL OF THE WILD

Dean's never been one to take the easy option ...

Disclaimer: Don't own them

xxxxx

"We should buy a Christmas tree Dean."

"Nah, that's lame. A real man goes out in the wilderness and chops his own tree down."

"Dean, I'm not sure if you've noticed; we're in the middle of Kansas – not many coniferous forests around here."

"That's where having your own angel buddy is handy, Sam; Cas is gonna zap me to Alaska."

LATER

 _*ring-ring*_

"Dean?"

"Hey Sam."

"Dean, how's it going? D'y find a tree?"

"Yeah, nice big one."

"Have you cut it down?"

"Not yet. Actually, we're stuck up in it."

"Uh?"

"Yeah, there's a hungry grizzly waiting underneath it for us."

xxxxx

end


	2. He's Making a List

HE'S MAKING A LIST ...

It's not easy being Santa!

Disclaimer: I don't own them

xxxxx

Santa and his chief elf were busy making final checks.

"Norris, what do I do about Dean Winchester?" he sighed, glancing at the letter in his hand; "he's done some terrible things."

"But he's done good too," Norris replied; "saved people, saved the world …"

"A tricky one," Santa concluded.

"What did he ask for?" Enquired Norris, "that might be the clincher."

"A grenade launcher," read Santa; "the Busty Asian Beauties Christmas edition, and a trumpet 'so I can piss Sam off'."

"Ah."

"Norris?"

"Yes sir?"

"Go to Rudolph's stall, and take a shovel. I know what this one's getting in his stocking."

xxxxx

end


	3. Let There Be Light

LET THERE BE LIGHT

There's one job at Christmas everyone hates - how nice if you can offload it to a willing victim friend ...

WARNING: F-BOMBS GALORE!

Disclaimer: I don't own them

xxxxx

" _Goddamnit to Hell Fuck Fucking Fuck_!"

" _Of all the … fucking damn and hellfire fucking FUCK!_ "

"Uh Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"Is Castiel alright?"

" _Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck – you stupid piece of SHIT!_ "

* **shrugs** * "yeah, why?"

"Why?"

" _OH FUCKING HELL!_ "

"Dean, what's with the language? It's kind of extreme for Castiel, don't you think?"

" _FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!_ "

* **grins** *

"Dean … what did you do?"

"Nothing."

"Dean …?"

"Well, I might have just told him that as he's a permanent resident here at the bunker now, this year it's his turn to untangle the Christmas tree lights …"

" _OH I FUCKING GIVE UP!_ " * **sob** *

"Dean, I think you broke our angel."

xxxxx

end


	4. Not So Silent Night

NOT SO SILENT NIGHT

Dean's incapable of silence, even when he's sleeping ...

Disclaimer: I don't own them

xxxxx

Sam stared at Dean's sleeping form and sighed.

Sprawled across the couch, one arm dangling limply into an empty chocolate box on the floor, he was snoring heartily, sleeping the sleep of the truly inebriated, and drooling contentedly.

His feet dangled over the arm of the couch, the threadbare odd socks adorning them the same colour as the party hat that hung off his left ear, and his grossly distended belly, full to bursting with their Christmas feast, bulged over the waist of his jeans, gurgling menacingly as he scratched his nose and burped lavishly.

So much for a silent night.

xxxxx

end


	5. The Joy of Socks

THE JOY OF SOCKS

There's always that one friend who's difficult to buy for.

Disclaimer: I don't own them

xxxxx

"Dean, what should we get Cas for Christmas?"

"Socks?"

"Damnit Dean, we've got him socks every year; let's try to show some imagination."

"Okay, what about booze?"

"He's an angel – he doesn't drink."

"Skin mags?"

"Dean, really? He's a freaking angel!"

"I know! What about a harp?"

"What?"

"You said yourself, he's an angel! All angels play harps."

"When have you ever seen Cas playing a goddamn harp?"

"That's 'cause he hasn't got one!"

"Do you really wanna sit here in the bunker listening to Cas plinking and plonking and strumming a frigging harp all day and night?"

"Hmmm …"

"Socks it is then."

xxxxx

end


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